Saturday, March 21, 2009


I suppose my person is thawing in spring. The fall and winter were not particularly pleasant, but they had their moments of triumph and warmth. Learning Dvorak, taking a computer security class, further integrating at the Castle, making fast friends, dreaming about bicycles and sailing trips...

But two things that I have noticed a great lack of are exercise and expression. I'm not entirely sure how I came off of my junior year, which was quite rich in the latter, and moderately rich in the former and lost it all in the the apparent stress of senior year. A mystery yet unsolved.

I'm grateful for the experience though, because it has taught me how easy it is to lose touch with myself, others, the environment I'm living in, my dreams, etc. So many things I am connected with, connections that need to be maintained. Losing those connections after feeling like they were so strong has taught me why young men can be so beautiful and terrifying. Hopefully it will become clear that I say this with little pride. Beauty and terror seem to imply power. I think that could be the case as long as self control is also present, another story entirely. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, perhaps. Sometimes I feel like pure blood, that there is very little holding me to the ground, that I have very limited substance or mass. Passionate and unpredictable, like fire. I don't find the statistic established sometime in the 19th cent, that married men have a better survival rate than unmarried men surprising at all. We can definitely some anchors, demanding, focusing relationships.

Of course, I think that should be balanced with the excellent sense of adventure and creativity I feel. As Richard Munroe so eloquently stated in his xkcd comic Grownups, "because we're grown-ups now, and it's our turn to decide what that means."