Tired Eyed

So the most recent news in my life is that I spent a couple hours with a good friend-girl (to use a mom-term) and Marty and then about an hour with just her, talking. Her name is Grace and she is pretty neat. She appreciates literature pretty intensely and she's a strong Catholic, but also feminist (unfortunately feminist is kind of an awkward term, but she's a good, healthy femminist).

Tangent: I'm going to try to keep this blog as honest as possible. It seems to me unavoidable that truth is the first step to good communication and sometimes its painful and surprsing... But then again, apparently humans usually tell their aquaintances about 90% of their lives and leave the other 10% for just close friends. Or something like that. I'm pretty sure I heard it at youth group at some "relationship talk". On the other hand, I don't think I have that much to hide. I suppose it would be good to get it out there that I have smoked pot twice, the first time not feeling anything and the second time experiencing a massive high, I don't drink often but I had enough alcohol one night (well, combined with my first cigarette since junior year of highschool) that I started throwing up. The difference between the feeling your about to throw up and the feeling just after throwing up is fantastic.

Back to it: It wasn't groundbreaking or anything, but we were just laying on her bed, talking. It was nice to just be with someone, to feel them and really listen and have some silence occasionally.

We talked until about 2:15am, which was good, but I also had to get up for work, which is where I have been all of today and for most of the time of the last 2.5 weeks. Work is kind of strange. Our work doesn't always seem to correlate the importance of a function and the time/energy it takes to complete. For example, we can spend hours dressing cable that took about 40 min to plug in. For the most part, work is fulfilling. I'm needing to learn a lot since my boss is definitely gone in July and the other main telecom guy could be gone by fall which more or less leaves me. Interesting situation since I skipped basically my entire life for about a month out of last semester, which no one was happy about.

Anyway, bringing it back to the topic, my mind goes through a lot everyday, from the time I actually wake up (which is usually after I've gotten out of bed and walked into the kitchen) to the moments before I fall asleep. I guess that sounds pretty cliche, but for example two mornings ago I woke up thinking about getting to work on time even though its cloudy and cold and how that will affect the brightness of the day which occasionally corresponds to my happiness and went to bed thinking about a game called freeciv, how much time I've wasted playing video games how promising my future is, how mysterious God is and that I really have no good context for my future which is scary but its worthless and painful to actually feel scared sometimes.

I'm going to go eat. I started writing this and it was invigorating now I feel like I'm struggling to throw down words to validate and argue some philosophy.