Not current July events

So due to the dual forces of spending time with actual other people and procrastinating this blog for god knows what reason mean that it doesn't come out nearly as regularly as I hope and you readers are left with what this will probably turn out to be: a digest of Tim's Current Events and probably an over-lengthy, meandering, pseudo-existential investigation.

At best, it seems difficult to fully articulate what has gone on. As far as I can tell, thats because it involves girls. After getting back from Colorado, I was hanging out with folks at the Rose and talking to them. On July 4th, I took a fairly long walk with Caitlyn. We mostly talked about Stephen and what he means in this world. But at one point, near the end, she asked me "Why are you and Terra so afraid of each other?". Terra Marotz is a dudette I met second semester freshman year. Totally cool. We were afraid of each other basically because of society. She was dating this guy and had been for like a year (at the time that Caitlyn and I talked) and we couldn't get close because it would be suspicious.

That was going to be longer than I intended. I can't remember the order of things that have happened since I got back, but here are some of them. I met for like 40 minutes of coffee with this girl thatI go to church with named Jessie. It was awkward becaus I was like 20 min late and she had to leave for a study group soon. Also, as we were talking, I asked her "how are you with God?" and she gave me this stare and said "I don't think we're on that level yet". Usually, I don't have a problem talking to people about God.

Went upto Seattle with Marty and met Monica we walked around Pike's Place Market and then to the Sculpture Park. Then we went to Monica's sister's birthday party (her sister's name is Stephanie. I knew of her in highschool b/c I knew Monica, but we never really talked) which was ultra cool. Stephanie was wearing a magenta dress, a tutu and small wings. Her hair is sort of a maroon color. When I knew her in highschool, she was very demure and withdrawn, so it was a very enjoyable shock. Also at one point in the party, I met a girl called Jessica Linnenkol. I know her from my 7th and 8th grade years and a Christian private school. I have never met someone from there by random chance. It took me about 15 minutes and trip to the bathroom to match the face I saw that day with the face I remembered from school. After that, Marty and I went home.

I cleaned my entire house one day, starting at 18:00 and staying up until about 03:00. I organized a ton of school papers, set out all of my receipts and pulled my bank statements from my bank website so I can put it all in my computer. That still hasn't happened.

I helped Marty put some ceiling and walls in the former playhouse named "Wild Garlic". From my perspective, it is a most astonishing project.

I have been working full-time. Apparently I have been in a "bad mood" for the last couple of days and my boss has been asking me why. I told him it is because the office is so negative. Deep down he took me seriously but on the outside he doesn't really know how to deal with it because emotions are coming out in the work place and thats something he only expects to deal with at home. With his wife. And his daughters. I've done a lot a lot of web-browsing at work and that just makes me feel awful. My mom recommended I read this book called "The College Student and ADD" or something like that and I have and I'm becoming convinced that my mind works differently. It's hard for me to shift out of lethargy. All of the other guys at work browse to, but at the "right times" when there isn't immediate work to do. It's more efficient and honest than what I do, but they're still getting paid for it. I feel like I'm being eroded. But when I am doing actual work, it's very enjoyable.

After being asked by Caitlyn why I was so afraid of Terra, I actually had a long conversation with Terra in which we came clear with each other. It felt very honest and healthy.

I left last saturday to go up to Snohomish so I could catch the Edmonds ferry the next day across to Kingston in response to an invitation I recieved from Monica's dad, Stephen that I could visit him as long as I a) had something to talk about and b) would eat his food. Finally (after cancelling twice) I made it. In Snohomish I stayed with Grace and stayed up late talking with her. I went to (Catholic) church with her the next day and then went over to Kingston. I made it to the Barrett's (Stephen) house and had a very illuminating few hours of conversation with him. I also got to speak a bit with Monica as we biked down to Albertson's to pick up some stuff for dinner and dessert. Stephen cooked an immensely tender flank steak and Monica made impressive chocolate souffle w/ caramel sauce for desert. After that, I caught the ferry back to Seattle where I met Stephanie and we went to Compline at St. Marks Cathedral. After that we talked long enough for me to miss the late bus back to Tacoma, so I stayed with her until the next morning when I caught a bus back at around 06:30.

(More or less ironically, some guys at my work have been asking me about my romantic situation. I haven't even tried to start explaining. Actually I have. And it ends up in a sort of massive, unfocused confusion).

I ate twice at Farelli's, the new pizza place on Garfield Street and it's really good.

Terra got back from Montana on Monday and we had a long talk that night.

Out of much, she said two things to me that struck home that night. The first was that I was laying out girls like steaks on a grill, eyeing each one to see when it would be done and which one would turn out the best. My response was that I never plan to sacrifice love to romance. But that doesn't change the fact that I am working to know very well many seperate girls that are isolated from each other. The second was that she asked if knowing me was going to be like a rollercoaster. Like a rollercoaster in the sense of emotional volatility, not like its exciting. Both of those made me question myself a lot. In fact, I am still questioning.

(I wish I could bring together all the people in my life, easily. Cook food for them and give them a week in a beautiful house, free of the internet, of television, of electricity. I wish they could each have their own few days of sunlight and forests and then all be introduced to each other, to talk about what they thought of each other, what one had heard from me about another. I want this because I love all of you and I want to see you grow and I know that can't happen without being nurtured by good friends.)

I helped move an old WWII two tugboat which, Marty informed me, can pull anything that floats. It had two V12's that could fill my bedroom and were just generators for a huge electric motor. On that trip, I also met the man who owns and engineers the 4th largest steam engine in the world, weighing in at 1 million pounds and the philosophy and ethics professor who was named the United State Army's Most Valuable Employee in 2000.

I just resolved to allocate some actual thoughts and reflections to a second part.